Holiday Hugs

Namely... How to Hug a Widow during the Holidays

Just realized that this never went out… It may all be a little late in the process here, but I’m going to go ahead and share it because these things are important to know.

I wrote a very different Christmas letter this year. It tell very little about what happened and who is doing what this past year. It’s more reflective and more about where I am right now. Click this link if you want to read it… Christmas 2025

HOLIDAY HUGS

So, we are here at the holidays. I’m trying my best to start writing again. But my shoulder is really not liking for me to work at my computer for long. There is also, the difficult task of moving forward as a widow.

Unless you have been there done that, you likely don’t understand what’s happening for the widow/widower. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions that will likely never end no matter how long it has been since your spouse left this earth.

Scriptures tell us

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Mark 10:8

Therefore, when she/he tells you that they feel as though half of them is missing. They are exactly right. When their spouse died, they indeed did lose half of themselves. They will NEVER be the same ever after that.

But that doesn’t mean that they cannot live a fulfilling life after that; for they can. It is a separate thing and a personal promise when God says be “confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

I have been preparing myself for this first season of holidays without my sweetheart. For the most part, I have been doing pretty well emotionally. I have purchased some new Christmas decorations and my daughter and I are making plans to create a great Christmas.

However, now that the holidays are in view, I am finding that if I don’t stay busy, I’m in tears. Largely, I get to thinking about these last few months of his life and how miserable he was. I breaks my heart over and over again. I must say, though that I am so glad that he is no longer suffering. I am thankful that we did not celebrate the holidays with him here, suffering as he was. I did not want pictures to remind me of those days.

With that said, I thought I might share a few things I am learning in this grief journey, especially here at the holidays.

Hug Hints for the Bystander:

1. Don’t assume they are doing OK.

2. Call them often. Just to check on them. No need to talk long, the key is whatever they need.

3. Make sure they have someone with them, if they want it.

4. Invite them to your parties but understand if they say no thank you. If they do come, understand that there may be tears and they may decide to leave early.

5. Send them a card or note. Be sure to mention their loved one by name. If you new the loved one personally, share a good memory you experienced with them or something you remember they would always say.

a Book for friends of widows/widowers

Peering Through the Tunnel - An Outsider’s Look Into Grief by Angie Clayton

What do you say when there’s nothing to say?

Do you feel tongue tied, ill-equipped, or at a complete loss when you encounter someone who is grieving? All of us have experienced grief on some level, and we can equip ourselves to care for others who are grieving the impossible. This book is meant to show us how to help the griever.Practical tips and poignant pain, often intermingled with joy, are expressed throughout, told from the point of view of those in the tunnel of grief.

There’s much more that you can do but this will give you a good start.

Hugs for the Grieving One

Every year, I choose my one word to live by through the year. I start praying about it in the fall and I ask God what He wants me to focus on the next year. This first year of grief, God gave me the word fellowship. It was a good word for me to focus on. I stepped out from our typical shut-in life and began attending church in person. I joined Bible studies online and in person. These things have made all the difference for me.

1. Fellowship - Don’t isolate. It’s the first step into a deep depression. Rather, find something to do- volunteer, pick up a new or old hobby and join a group, take classes and learn new things.

2. Grief Share - has a wonderful 13-week program to help you through grief. Plus you will meet others in the same boat. They understand and they get it. They also offer a one-day program for Loss of Spouse. It’s where I started. It was only giving one morning or evening of your time and everyone there had lost their spouse while the longer program is for any loss. This time of year the Surviving the Holidays one session program might be a good place to start.

   Grief share groups everywhere and online. They also have many resources available without attending a group - just create an account. Pick up their Survival Guide for Navigating the Holidays After Loss even if you can’t attend a meeting.

3. Your Local Hospice group likely offers counseling and group sessions. These were ok but not nearly as good for me. The spiritual aspect is completely left out and I felt a hopelessness in these sessions.

4. A Good Book -I received a large stack of books on grief from friends. It was ironic that out of ten or twelve books, I never received a duplicate. For the holidays the best has been A Decembered Grief - Living with Loss While Others Are Celebrating. by Harold Ivan Smith

   The back jacket says “the Sadness will never go away” No, it will not. But it will change. Grief can be overwhelming, and it is especially intense during the holidays-those weeks that have always been spent in preparation and anticipation with a loved one who has been lost. While the world seems to be moving forward and celebrating life, grievers face a season of darkness and loss. Harold Ivan Smith guides the reader beyond that darkness with illustrations and insights that emphasize God’s ability to transform the holidays into a time of grace and healing.”

   FIlled with tips of things we can do to make the season easier, I believe you will find some great ideas to help you through this season. Pick this one up today.

5. Bible Studies - Any general Bible study will do, but I found one for widows led by a widow on the Book of Ruth. Wow! I had never really studied this with the eyes of a widow before. It’s a zoom class. Ree Harding keeps the groups to 5 or 6. We bonded amazingly. She’ll be starting her next zoom study mid-January, go to her website and get on the waiting list. Ours was in the afternoons but if you express a need for an evening group and she has enough interest she is willing to do that. There is a book to purchase and a small fee for the group study. Her book, Postcards From a Widows Path is only available through her website.